Coming back online, slowly

Photo by drinks machine, licensed CC-BY-NC-ND

Long time, no write.

For the past few months my workouts have been inconsistent (especially for me), and I have been using work stress and emotional stress as excuses to Eat All The Things.  Some days I couldn't even bring myself to log my food - - who can tell how many calories I was getting from a restaurant poutine, after all? 

That shit stops now.  Well, to be more accurate, that shit stopped this week.  I took myself in hand and started back with the intensive workouts and getting back to my healthy eating routine. 

I still need to lose weight, so adopting an easier workout routine that is more of a maintenance program (which I had rationalized as more sustainable than the hard workouts I had previously done) just doesn't make sense.  So now I am back to 90 minutes of kicking my own ass on the weights, treadmill, and elliptical, 6 days a week.  It's only day 4 of the new-and-improved world order, but it's amazing how easy it is to slip back into a healthy routine after having been so diligent at it for more than 2 years, even after a break.  In a strange way my healthy lifestyle is starting to feel more comfortable to me than the lazy ass binge eating lifestyle I used to adopt.  And only 2 and a half years later! 

Of course my complete abandonment of healthy eating has had its sequellae - - I gained back weight, and a lot of it.  Not that I look like Jabba the Hut or anything, but I have noticed that my clothing is tight, and that is just Not On.  I didn't go out and get all these new clothes just to eat my way out of them after a month, no sir. 

So how did I get here?  Simple - I gave myself permission to indulge myself, using my stress and depression about work as excuses.  Frankly, I feel much better about myself and my life when I eat well and do a hard workout, so abandoning those good habits only contributed to my feelings of depression.  And once you start feeling bad because you're eating like crap, it's ever so easy to eat more to try and feel better ... except, of course, that this never works.  The only thing that works is to fix the thing that isn't working and to stick to the good habits that I know make me healthier.

So I took control of the work situation, and I will have more news on that score in 2-4 weeks or so.  I've still got a ton of work to do on that front, but I recently received some very good news that has given me hope for the future with respect to work, which is wonderful.  I'm not out of the woods yet, but soon, hopefully. 

The Nerd and I are also working at fixing up the apartment to make it more livable.  We are both clearing out a lot of deadwood (I mean, do I really need to keep 30 years of old cards from strangers?) and we have donated a bunch of unwanted furniture to charity.  This gives us more room to move, and more room for books, to be perfectly honest.  Since "books" is kind of the decorating theme for the Palatial Estate, this works well.  As the place shapes up, my mood improves even more.  I hate living in disarray, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel with this side project as well. 

So the workouts - what's new and different and what have I learned?  I learned that 46 year old knees do not take kindly to running when I have never run before, and I have had to dial back on the C25K training I was doing.  I sort of wrecked my right knee and aggravated an old groin injury, and in the interests of my health I have changed up the running to merely walking on the treadmill at a reasonable pace.

The weights are effective, so I have not changed anything up there, other than to kick things up a notch with an additional set.  I am currently doing 4 sets of 10 for 9 different exercises, and I will likely keep things at this level for another week or so.

The elliptical is still my best calorie burner and step driver, so I now do 90 minutes on the elliptical on non-weight days.  It kicks my ass every time, but it's totally worth it.  On weight days I do 10 minutes on the treadmill and 35 minutes on the elliptical for a total workout of about 90 minutes, and it feels good. 

No more light workouts for the time being - - they are fine for maintenance, which will be wonderful when I reach my goal.  That's a loooonnnngggg way in the future, however.  For now I need to suck it up, buttercup, and focus on bringing on the sweat 6 days a week for 90 minutes each morning.  So that's what I will do.

As for the food, it's back to first principles.  No more illicit snacking.  No more donuts, unlogged chocolate or cupcakes, no more poutine or grilled cheese, no more nachos or rice krispie square bars.  What do I eat?  The Nerd's delicious cooking, of course, with his balanced and nutritious meals.  I am trying to keep my daily calories under 1,700-1,800, and although I don't succeed every day, it's something to shoot for.  I know that this calorie target gives me enough room to eat enough delicious food to be satisfied, but not so much food that I risk going over the edge again.

I know that eating sensibly, working out to challenge myself, and avoiding snacking results in weight loss, and soon I will be back in my old weight neighbourhood.  I have lost some ground, but I will be back again.  I'm stubborn that way. 

Tough Workout This Morning

Today was the kind of workout that makes you really happy when you're finished, but the entire time you are doing it your brain is trying to come up with excuses to stop.

It did not help that we were under a time crunch, so I could not dawdle - - we were expecting the Matriarch's call to go shopping around 9:30 am, so I needed to push my workout from one element directly to the other with as little time lost as possible (and as little rest as possible) in between so as to be ready when the call came. 

This meant that I went directly from 45 minutes on the elliptical to 30 minutes on the treadmill for W1D3 of my C25K program, then right back to the elliptical machine for a 20 minute cool down. 

Maybe it was feeling the time crunch an not taking more than a minute's rest in between the different elements, but this morning's workout was just plain grueling.  I didn't want to start the C25K program at all, and then all the way through I had to force myself to keep going through the running intervals.  Today was another 8 minutes of running broken into 1 minute intervals with 1.5 minutes of walking in between and I knew that I could do it, but man, it was tough this morning.  I basically psyched myself up 8 times before each interval, telling myself that I could do it.  I was wobblier than usual with my hands-free running, and had to really focus to bring my running back under control for the last interval.  When I was finished my whole workout, I was just exhausted, completely blown, and dripping with sweat.  Trust me, I looked super glamorous. 

But boy oh boy did it feel good to be done.  And just in time for the Matriarch's call ... cancelling shopping due to dangerous driving conditions.  D'oh!

Tomorrow will be a workout day because I took last Wednesday off (I had to present at a meeting and didn't have enough time to work out).  It will be a weight day, so back to the upper body work.  And then Monday it is back to C25K, week 2.

Still, I feel fantastic now that the workout is done, and the results since I have gotten back on track have been fabulous.  No snacking + tough workouts = weight loss.  I am down another 0.3 pounds from yesterday's low, for a new low of 187.8 pounds.  I sincerely hope that I am done with the 190's forever, because those 10 pounds basically took me 4 months to lose.  

Back to it tomorrow!

Achievement unlocked - down to my lowest weight in years!

As you know, the fall of 2013 was a difficult one for me, and my snacking (and eating habits generally) took me completely off the rails.  I had reached a low of 188.5 pounds back in September and then got complacent and thought I could eat anything I wanted.  Surprise, surprise, this was not the case (as if I even thought this could be the case.  But I got really complacent, which has much the same result).  I ballooned up to 199 pounds (and at times even higher, I know, although I was down to 199 by the time I stepped on the scale again).

I finally put my foot down right before Christmas, and got back on the program of healthy eating in sensible portions, and stepped up my exercise routine by re-integrating weights and adding the treadmill for walking and a C25K program. Sure, it was a tough time to start a re-invigorated workout program, but I figured if I could stick with it over the holidays, everything that followed would be a piece of cake. Not that I planned on eating cake... or not much.

The results have been positive.  I have started losing weight again, and lots of it.  This week was no exception - - I lost 2.3 pounds, bringing me down to 188.1 pounds.  That's right, lower than my previous lowest weight! (does a little dance)  I am now back to breaking new trail in this weight loss adventure of mine, as it has been more than a decade since I was last at my current weight.  I am no longer simply trying to re-lose weight that I already lost, I am losing weight that I have been carrying around for years.  I am down 145.8 pounds overall, and that feels good.  Really good, actually.

You can see my Q4 disaster in the above chart - - I went from a pretty nice linear downward slope to a pretty wicked 4 month plateau / slight increase.  It is only with 5 weeks of consistent working out and eating well that I have resumed my regular weight loss, bringing me finally back to where I was when everything went off the rails - - and a bit lower, besides.

I still have a ways to go to hit my goal:

...but the trend is once again positive.

 In terms of those pesky goals, I am getting very close to my next goal, 185 pounds (or middleweight) - - I might get there in 2 or 3 more weeks!  And I am less than 20 pounds away from achieving one major goal, normal BMI.  That may be reachable in around 3 months, if I'm lucky.  I am going to have to think about how to celebrate that huge win - - celebrate in a way that does not involve consuming my body weight in cupcakes, that is.

I re-started C25K this week with proper running, and I have done the first two sessions bringing me up to 8 minutes of actual running time in 1 minute intervals.  It is definitely more challenging to run without hanging onto the treadmill for dear life, but I am really pleased to have re-started the program the right way.  My knees are in a constant state of twinge-iness, but not painful as such, so I don't think I need to change anything up right now.  Tomorrow morning will be another C25K morning to wrap up week 1 (again) if all goes as planned.

Coming up next week is the 2-year anniversary of my working out and getting serious about my health and fitness.  That would make it around 2 years ago now that I broke that chair.  It's interesting what gets us started on these life-changing journeys.  In my case, it was a cheap IKEA chair.  But without that chair I would not have had the motivation to keep pushing myself at the beginning, when it was painful just to walk to the corner, and even staying on the recumbent bike for 5 minutes was agony.

But that's a recap for next week.  For now, I am just trying to stay the course and keep focused on working my plan.  I think I will switch up the weights to 4 sets of 10 reps next week, as the 3 sets of 15 reps are challenging, but a little too readily do-able.  The rebooted C25K will continue, as will the endless hours on the elliptical (thank god for books on my iPad!).

Starting C25K again, now, with actual running

Yesterday the Nerd and I spent an absolutely grueling day cleaning and organizing the house.  Lots and lots and lots of scrubbing and washing and scraping...  I woke up this morning barely able to move, almost crippled with back pain from all the bending and pushing and hefting.  Thank goodness for muscle relaxants and bags of frozen peas. 

I definitely did not need to work my upper body today after all of that, so today after loosening up my back I decided to go with the elliptical + C25K + elliptical cardio sandwich.  I will work my upper body again tomorrow, once my muscles have had a chance to recover somewhat from the beating I put on them yesterday.

This morning I decided to start the C25K program again, from the beginning.  Only this time, instead of hanging onto the treadmill for dear life during the run intervals, I was determined to actually run, like a normal person, without hanging on.  Big girl running.  I knew it would be challenging because I had not properly run for more than a few minutes the last time I did the C25K program, but I think there's an opportunity here to work on my stamina, done properly. 

I had some knee pain last week so I did not do the C25K, in the hopes that my knees would recover somewhat.  This seems to have worked.  I had minor twinges on the 5th interval this morning, but nothing significant, and overall the run was comfortable.  Today's set was 6 intervals of 1 minute running + 1.5 minute walking.  I did all 6 running intervals properly (i.e. without hanging onto the treadmill), which officially makes the 6 minutes I ran today the most I have ever run in my life. 

I was surprised at how challenging I found the running intervals this morning.  I do a lot of cardio on the elliptical, and yet the cardio of running on the treadmill is a different animal entirely.  It definitely makes me sweat, but it also makes me pant like I haven't panted since I first started working out.  It's like I am exercising for the first time. 

All in all, today's workout was a success.  I did the planned runs and I still had something left in the gas tank when I finished, which is more a moral triumph than anything else.  Tomorrow it will be back to the upper body workout - - hopefully I will have recovered sufficiently from my travails yesterday. 

Week 103 - 142.9 pounds down

Week 103 of working out is in the books, and I lost another 1.8 pounds, for a total of 142.9 pounds down overall.  Yes, that's quite the hockey stick I have going in my graph, but it's coming back down now, with effort. 

The net of my little Q4 snackfest is that my goal timing has been pushed out from the end of January to the end of May.  But that's OK, because I am back on track, eating well, and keeping up my exercise.

Speaking of which, C25K was a bit challenging this week because I had sore knees for the first time this week - - sore enough to make me take a time out on the running for 2 of the planned run days.  This is making me reconsider the way I have been running.  I know I can run like a normal person for short stretches of time, and it is easier in many ways to run normally than to run hanging onto the elliptical.  I may try re-starting the C25K program from the beginning, but running normally from the outset, and see how that works. 

With this week down, I am only 6 pounds away from hitting middleweight - - getting close now!  And just over 22 pounds to go to normal BMI.  I can't wait. 

I ran like a big girl today ...

... for all of about 60 seconds.  But you know what?  It felt GREAT! 

So you know that I have been working on a C25K program for the past 3 weeks, yes?  I have worked up to intervals of 2 min run - 2 min walk - 3 min run - 3 min walk, for a total run time of 10 minutes and a max run interval of 3 minutes.

Up to this morning, I have "run", if you can call it that, holding onto the treadmill arms or handle with a death-grip.  The treadmill is set to 4.5 mph, and I am performing movements that may eventually be running, but for now, are mostly like a strange bouncy part run-part shuffle hybrid. 

Today, just for shits and giggles, I decided to let go of the treadmill.  I had already completed about 7 minutes of running intervals by that point so there is a very real chance that I was oxygen starved and hallucinating, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.  So I just - let - go.  And then there I was, running.  Just like a normal person, arms pumping.

I ran for all of a minute before I realized what I was doing and completely forgot how to run all at once.  Then it was back to my death-grip on the treadmill in a flurry of arms and legs while I tried to comprehend what had just happened.

I know it is baby steps to running, but you know what?  It actually felt much easier and better to run like a normal person than what I have been doing holding onto the treadmill.  I enjoyed it - - at least for the brief instant in time when I was able to do it.

I can't wait for next time to see if I can run for a bit longer before spazzing out. 

I can't believe I just said that.  Who are you and what have you done to my brain??

On related news, I was able to lose another 2.1 pounds this week, thanks in no small part to the above-mentioned running (and all the other workouts I did this week).  This brings me back down 141.1 pounds, and less than 8 pounds away from middleweight.  Slow and steady is the way to do it, right?  Well I certainly have the "slow" part down - - and now that I've gotten back on my program, the "steady" part seems to be back on track too. 

I now weigh 192.8 pounds, and as you can see from the above chart, my lean mass and fat are starting to inch ever closer to the normal range.  Hitting a normal BMI will be such a triumph when it happens, as I have been overweight (or obese, or super-obese) more of my life than I have been normal. 

Something feels different about this time, though.  I feel like I am more consistently making healthier choices, and I am choosing an active lifestyle not because I have to do it to lose weight, but because it's fun / easy / better than being inactive.  I walk places I would previously have taken transit to, or, god forbid, taken a cab.  I walk when I don't need to.  I take extra trips because, hey, incremental steps.  This mindset is a completely new one for me. Before, working out was a necessary evil to be avoided as much as possible.  Now, I look for opportunities to work being active into my lifestyle, from working out on the elliptical and treadmill, to walking to work, to taking the stairs, to walking to shops rather than driving...this attitude change has taken 2 years and it just blows my mind, I have to tell you.

I feel like "yes, losing weight takes a long time and you have to work at it every day, but look at all the benefits and all the new things you can do".  I believe that I will reach my weight goal, it's only a matter of time.  I like this spirit of optimism - - it makes me think I can do anything, given enough time.

Maybe even one damn pushup one day. 

Speaking of pushups (!), for next week I think I will stay the course on my routine and keep doing 3 sets of 15 reps on the 8 exercises I have been doing to work my upper body, along with the usual 45 min - 60 min elliptical routines plus the C25K workouts.  This program is working for me so far, and I feel strong and good.  No injuries yet, touch wood! 

C25K Update - 30% complete

Well, I am officially done the first 8 C25K workouts using the 5K Runner app, and I am still alive, with two functioning knees.  That's much better than I thought I would be doing, frankly.  I will take that as a win, thank you very much.

As a child I always ran (when pursued by wolves or some other predator) in a galumphing, ungainly, frankly thudding manner.  No gazelle, me.  As an adult I never had occasion to run for my life, what with wolves and other predators being scarce in the big city, and it certainly never occurred to me to run for fun.  Have you ever looked at the typical runner's face?  It does not scream "I am having fun".  Mostly, it just looks like they are in pain, or trying to work out some complex math problem in their head.  No thank you.

But I have recently signed up for something that would require me to run 5K, so it was important for me to gentle myself into this running thing.  Everyone recommended C25K as a good program for the rank beginner, and I have to say that so far, I have been <whispers> enjoying it more than I expected </end whispers>.

What's that?  I am having fun running?  Nooooot exactly.  But I am not hating it.  And I feel absolutely amazing when I stop running, which may be the entire point of this runner's high that I keep hearing about. 

I am also impressed with this 5K Runner app, which, like most of these C25K programs, works up the increments in stages that are challenging, but manageable.  I am not looking forward to some of those later sessions when I will have to be running 20 and 30 minutes at a stretch, but I am hopeful from my experience so far that I will be able to do it when the time comes.  The intervals appear to be chosen specifically to gradually increase the running time in manageable pieces - - at least until weeks 7 and 8 when it's just "run the whole time, sucka!". 

I still have to hold onto the treadmill when I run, and I am sure I sound like some kind of brontosaurus thundering across the plain, but each day I am more comfortable with the physics of running, and I am getting (gradually) used to the idea of running, which is a big part of the whole program.  Eventually I may even run like a big girl, arms pumping like I see people do on the street.  Not yet.  Perhaps when I have finished 60% of the program.

And it does feel kind of good to actually run in my running shoes, rather than merely use the elliptical.   It is also doing wonders for my mileage, which means I will have to replace said shoes earlier than my last pair.  It's worth it, if at the end I can hold my own against a 5K run. 

Christmas was Tryptophan-tastic!

A few events of note happened this week.

The first is that I once again dusted myself off and got back on track for healthy eating and challenging workouts, just in time for the orgy of food that is Christmas.  Ah well, my timing has never been what we can call "good". 

This week I also began a new upper body focused weight routine, as well as a couch to 5K program with the intention of learning how to run.

As for the eating portion of my healthy lifestyle, I have been doing pretty well.  I managed to control my hitherto unbridled snacking when we had both sides of the family over to the Palatial Estate on Christmas Eve for a cocktail party, and I ended up staying on track for the most part.  At one point I caught my hand diving into a dish of cashews before the party and I turned the motion into an elaborate swoop and moved the dish into a cupboard to keep it out of my eye line and that seemed to work - - my snacking was kept at a minimum and I stayed on track for my daily calories. 

Yesterday on Christmas Day we had the full turkey dinner experience at the Nerd's sister's house, with all the tryptophan that comes with it.  The dinner was one of the best turkey dinners I have ever had, and I enjoyed every bite of it.  And the Mexican wedding cookies.  And the peanut brittle.  And the candy cane brittle.  And the chocolate letter "M" (for "Magniloquent", natch).  OK, so I went a little bananas yesterday with the food.  But I got it out of my system, and today had the usual breakfast and no cravings for illicit chocolate (or licit chocolate, for that matter), which is good. 

I have completed week 1 of the "5K Runner" C25K program using the iPad app.  Like most C25K apps, this one sets a warm-up period, then intervals of running alternating with walking, followed by a final cool down period.  The first day was a 25 minute workout involving a 5 minute warm-up followed by 6 intervals of 1 minute running + 1.5 minutes walking, followed by a 5 minute cool down.  Days 2 and 3 still involved the same warm-up and cool down, but with 8 intervals of 1 minute running + 1.5 minutes walking.  All in all this week I "ran" 6 minutes on day 1, then 8 minutes each on days 2 and 3, for a total "run" of 22 minutes this week. 

Am I actually running?  Probably not, but I am going 4.5 mph on the treadmill and I am making an awful lot of noise.  It could actually look like running, if you squint.  The point is to get my body used to the mechanics of what could eventually turn into running, and this is what the app appears to be good for.

Interestingly, for someone who has done 30 minutes to 90 minutes on the elliptical machine for months now, the cardio of the treadmill is very different and much more challenging.  I barely break a sweat after 30 minutes on the elliptical, whereas on the treadmill I am sweating up a storm after the first running interval.  I feel the treadmill more in my hamstrings and glutes than I feel the elliptical, too.  Overall, it's a very different cardio workout.

Right now I am still having to really push to complete the C25K workout, because: i) it is difficult; and ii) running is still not a natural motion for me.  But the emotional reward I feel for completing a C25K workout is still very positive and is helping to keep me on track, which is good.  I don't get a "runner's high", but I get a "stubborn woman's glow", which is almost as good.  The other nice thing about the C25K workout days is that I "only" do 45 minutes on the elliptical, which feels like I am getting away with something. 

On weight days I have been doing 3 sets of 10 reps of my various upper body exercises, which takes between 30 and 40 minutes, depending on how much I futz with the weight bench.  Overall the workout is very challenging, and I am definitely spent after it is done.  I have been following those weight workouts with 60 minutes on the elliptical machine, and each day this week I have really had to push myself not to stop early.  But I did it, and I feel the smug feeling one gets from pushing through to accomplish something one really doesn't want to do. 

Next week I will be doing week 2 of the C25K app, and it already looks a little intimidating to me - - 4 intervals of 1.5 min run + 2 min walking, followed by 2 intervals of 1 minute running + 1 minute walking, for a total run time of 8 minutes.  It's good for me to see that it is the same "run" time as I did this morning, just packaged a little differently.  We'll see how it goes...

This week I had a moral win by getting up at 3.15 am (!) to do my usual weight + elliptical workout on Christmas morning so that we could get out to my parent's house in Brampton around 6.40 am to open stockings with the family.  Driving back to town from the Nerd's sister's place at 10.30 pm I was initially puzzled that the CN Tower was still displaying the same festive green-white-red stripes as on Christmas morning, until I realized that it was still Christmas Day ... just an incredibly long day.  Whew!

Today (Boxing Day) the Nerd and I slept in to 8 am, and although we both did full workouts (he did 90 minutes on the elliptical and I did 30 minutes of C25K and 45 minutes on the elliptical), we were in no rush and it was a very relaxing morning, all things considered.

Tomorrow is Friday, and a normal day.  It's weigh-in day, too, so we'll see how virtuous I *really* have been able to be this week.  I will also be back to the office and back to 60 minutes on the elliptical, according to the plan. 

The balance of today is scheduled to be the day of a thousand naps, so I should get to it.  Those naps won't have themselves, after all...