Clawing my way back...one day at a time

I had a major breakthrough at the end of April finally breaking past my previous low weight of 185.4 to reach 184.9 pounds.  It took months and months and months of work to undo the impact of poor eating habits over the period before I started work at my new job last year, and the holidays at the turn of this year.

My personal trainer, Mr. Fitness, was a major part of this turnaround.  Another part - - a very big part, as it happens - - was my disciplined eating habits.  Reducing snacking and keeping my calories within a reasonable range helped me drop the weight slowly but steadily.  The workouts helped me improve my overall fitness and get me toned.  Together the eating habits and my workouts combine to improve my fitness level every week.

At the end of April, right after hitting this milestone, I went home to Edmonton for a holiday.  Healthy eating habits went out the window with numerous dinners out combined with unhealthy-ish food at the Patriarch's house.  After I got back from Edmonton I had a few moderately good weeks, then it was back on a plane to New York and all the food and drink that one finds there.  More eating out, and more street food.  It turns out that I am very good at finding food in New York.  Hey, a girl's gotta have a skill. 

After this veritable smörgåsbord of eating and drinking I knew it would take a few weeks of highly disciplined eating and intense workouts to get me back into shouting distance of my previous low.

So that's what I did.  I kicked the workouts up a notch and I stopped snacking at the office.  After the usual 3 or 4 day withdrawal period this was no longer a major struggle and I found it relatively easy to stay on track with my eating plan.  Now after a couple of "clean" eating weeks I have virtually no desire to snack and it is much easier for me to manage my food consumption every day.

I am now back down to 186 pounds and change, a mere whisper away from my previous low milestone of 184.9 pounds.  I feel toned and strong and am noticing that my clothes are fitting better than before. 

On the one hand it is easy to get despondent about putting myself through what is essentially a 2-month plateau.  One week of really bad eating requires at least 6 weeks of good behaviour to undo - - yikes!  That math really sucks.

On the other hand it is wonderful to know what works and to have the confidence to apply what works knowing that it will pay dividends sooner or later. 

On the "sooner or later" front, one comparatively recent innovation is that I no longer set time limits on myself to lose "x" pounds/week or to reach my goal weight by a specific date.  As long as I am making positive strides in controlling my eating or pushing my exercising or I see that I am losing something (no matter how little), I remain positive.  I know that the way my body behaves it will lose a little, or none at all and then suddenly lose pound after pound in its own good time - - as long as I stick to my program.  Although I would like to control when the weight comes off I am apparently not the boss of this and so have gradually learned how to accept the uncertainty (although admittedly with more zen-like calm some weeks than others). 

All in all, then, it has been a good couple of weeks.  I am sticking to my program and I continue to see progress.  That makes me very happy.  

NSV: Best experience at airport security ever

So last weekend I took a "girls' weekend" trip to NYC.  We stayed in my friend's apartment on the Upper East Side, half a block from Central Park, on the fifth floor of a walkup building.  You want stair training?  Try walking up 5 flights of stairs every time you come home - that will boost your numbers precipitously. While simultaneously crushing your will to live.  So there's that.

We did a lot of walking around Manhattan, and a lot of eating and drinking - - Mexican food for lunch, Chinese food for dinner, and street food (arepas, fried Oreo cookies, mini doughnuts, whoopie pies, salted caramels, bruffins, maccarons, and twistie cones) for snacks, and wine - so much wine.  All that eating (and drinking!) combined with all that walking and the post-vacation weight gain is not as extreme as I had feared.  I probably have all those damn stairs to thank, so "thank you, never-ending staircase".

On the way home we had to get in line for security screening at the airport, first to be screened by a TSA agent who checked our boarding passes and ID, and then to be screened by the x-ray and metal detector.

The TSA guy who was checking ID and boarding passes looked almost asleep - - he was slumped over in his chair and if he was awake, he was doing a fine job hiding it.  But he was the first person who did this: he looked at my passport (photo taken in September 2011, when I was near my heaviest), and he looked at me, then he looked back at my passport, then back at me, and then he said: "You got skinny", as he handed my ID and boarding pass back to me with a grin.  I tell you, it made my entire day.  He is the first person to comment on the noticeable change in my appearance between the passport photo and how I look live and in person, in all of my recent trips.  Photo comparison of my September 2011 passport photo and a photo taken from last weekend are at the top of this post. 

It's not that customs officials, TSA agents and gate agents don't notice - they do, I can tell from the quick double takes that they do when they look at my ID - it's just that no one says anything out loud.  The etiquette on mentioning someone's weight loss is a tricky thing - - many people worry that I am ill, and they are relieved to hear that my weight loss is intentional.  People seldom lose as much weight as I have lost without being sick.  I get that.  But it's also really nice to have my progress called out.  It made my entire day, I tell you!

Before and After...the Purple Dress (photos)

Those of you who are regular readers of my blog may remember wayyyy back at the end of 2012 when I had lost about 74 pounds (to get down to around 260 pounds) and had gone down 3 dress sizes from a 26 to a 20.  I was very excited to finally have the courage to wear a boldly coloured dress to our annual firm holiday party, and I chose a bright purple number. 

Today we were cleaning out the closet for clothes to donate to charity and I stumbled across a bunch of my old "big girl" dresses, including the purple dress.  I remember what a big deal it had been for me to even try this dress on, let alone wear it to the party. 

This is what I looked like back at the end of 2012, compared to today:

Holy crap.  Bear in mind I was looking super glamourous today because Mr. Fitness was about to come over and kick my ass so I was dolled up in yoga pants and tank top for my workout.  But still - - wow, what a difference!  Looking at today's photos I feel like I melted somehow, or maybe deflated, because there's so much room in the dress (even over my workout clothes).  Bearing in mind that I currently wear a size 12-14 (depending on the style), I am down a further 3-4 dress sizes from that first photo, and another 70+ pounds lower than I was then. 

Now let's please have a moment of silence for the boobs that I used to have, because there was no way the present state of the girls comes even remotely close to filling out that dress.  It would be frankly indecent for me to wear this dress without a top under it.  And I'm okay with that. 

PS: Mr. Fitness well and truly kicked my ass tonight - - I am still weak from our workout.  I should be feeling the sweet sweet burn of DOMS tomorrow...

Progress Pics - 5 months with trainer

It has officially been 5 months now that I have been working with Mr. Fitness, and we have completed 20 sessions (I thought it had been 22, but it turns out I can't math).

Things are happening, that's fo sho.

Since starting with the trainer I have lost more than 12 inches, especially off my waist, hips and thighs.  Sweet.  Since I first started working out more than three years ago I have lost more than 66 inches.  I know I have said it before, but that just blows my mind.

Here's the comparison of how I looked when I started working with the trainer (after I had been working out on my own for almost 3 years), and last weekend.  In each photo you can see that things are just tighter and more toned overall.

I frankly expect that all the dramatic changes are done, and what I am going to see from here on out is more of the same - - more toning, more tightening, more definition overall.

I feel strong and healthy, and I am loving how my arms look - - my shoulders especially.  I love having strong shoulders - - I am going to be so good at hugging!

New Equipment: Water Rower

Well, it has been a whole 3 months since I last purchased new toys for my home gym, and that clearly is far too long.  Last month I finally snapped and got a piece of equipment that I have had my eye on for years - - a Water Rower.

Now regular readers of my blog will be saying to themselves "But Magniloquent, didn't you own a perfectly adequate magnetic rower years ago?  Didn't you in fact sell your rowing machine to make room for the elliptical machine of awesomeness?".  Yes, dear reader, I did in fact have a rowing machine. 

But cast your mind back to the summer of 2012 when I last used that piece of equipment.  I was about 120 pounds heavier than I am now, with all the attendant issues with mobility (bad back, bad knees, reduced mobility and flexibility) that come with being morbidly obese.  Add in the fact that I was not the cardio machine that I am now (!) and you can see how that machine did not get the love that it perhaps deserved.  I could barely get on and off the machine at all, and at my best I could only row for 2-3 minutes at a time before I simply had to stop.  My back hurt and my knees hurt after using the machine for added negative reinforcement, just in case the shortness of breath and dizziness were not enough.

Rowing is an excellent all-over workout, working legs, arms and core. A rower will help make you fit, but ironically it helps to be at least somewhat fit before you row; at least that has been my experience.  I had been mulling over the idea of picking up a Water Rower for some time, delayed for that magical time in the future when I was fit enough to see some benefits. 

Well the time for rowing is now, gentle readers.  So I took the plunge and picked up a Water Rower (or more accurately, had a Water Rower delivered).  And holy moly does it give me a workout!

Fifteen minutes on the rower gives me a burn of more than 120 calories even at the relatively slow pace that I can currently maintain (25 or 26 strokes per minute) - - that's 480 calories per hour, which is a pretty significant burn for me.  Not that I can sustain 60 minutes on the rowing machine - yet.

I am delighted at how much easier it is for me to row now that I have lost so much weight.  My knees, although by no means pain-free or strong, do not hurt when I row (as they used to).  I have no trouble getting down onto the rower, nor do I have any trouble getting up off the rower.  I think I have Mr. Fitness and the work we have done on balance and flexibility to thank for this.  And 15 minutes on the rower - about 5 times my previous personal best time - is only the beginning.  I can certainly go longer - only boredom (I can't read on the rower like I can on the elliptical) - keeps me from staying on the rowing machine for an hour. 

All in all, I am loving the new rowing machine.  My only complaint is that because it is a water rower it is not so good if you have a full bladder - - listening to the gentle swoosh swoosh of the water will increase your need to pee beyond belief, turning a normal workout in the longest workout of all time.

The machine fits perfectly into my (increasingly crowded) workout room because it stands up out of the way when not in use.  I have it next to the closet, between the elliptical and my barbell rack. 

The pretty product photos on the manufacturer's website show the rower standing up out of the way with the seat facing out (so that the bottom of the machine is against the wall).  This is not really practical because it requires that I completely rotate the machine before each use.  Because I know myself and know exactly how lazy I am I simply stand it up in its natural orientation so that when I lower the machine it is immediately ready to use.  This means that the bottom of the machine (the not-so-pretty side) is facing out when the machine is standing up, but I don't mind that given that I am the only person (other than the Nerd) who sees it.

I don't row every day, but when I do I get one hell of a workout.  Love it.  

Still here, still working

I went out west to visit family in April, and that basically meant a couple of things - - not enough working out (none, in fact), and too much food.  Wayyyy too much food.  So the past month or so has been basically spent fighting a holding action to get down to my earlier low weight. 

The biggest challenge, frankly, was getting my head back into proper eating.  I had a couple of weeks of eating simply ridiculous amounts of food, and it has taken me a couple of weeks just to train my body back to not craving snacks all the time.  I don't generally crave snacks as a rule, but I find that when I get back into the snacking mindset it takes me a couple of weeks of going "snack cold turkey" before I stop craving snacks. Once I get the snacking out of my system I find it much easier to stick to a sensible eating plan.  So yeah, there's that addictive personality thing I still need to watch out for, even after all these years of working out.

Once I got back home it was easier to get right back into the workout routine at least.  And Mr. Fitness has been coming over each week to kick my ass right and proper, which has been great.  We have had 22 training sessions together and the differences have been profound.  I still have a ways to go, but compared to where I was last December, I have seen real progress working with the personal trainer. 

So, net net things are still going well.  Lots of things going on to keep me busy and some new workout equipment that I will post about shortly. 

15 months and 1.5 pounds ... or 51.3 pounds down

Achievement unlocked!  I hit a significant milestone this morning, weighing in at 184.9 pounds, which: i) brings me within 20 pounds of my goal; ii) makes me a middleweight for the first time in 15 years (and potentially a "Rumbleweight" welter, depending on how much Johnson lets himself go).  Even more significant, my weigh in this morning marks the successful end of a 15 month fight to lose the weight gained from not one but two major backslides, one when I was job hunting and hating my work and one at Christmas last year when I gave myself permission to eat All The Food (although I must tell you, the Nerd's sugar cookies are delicious). 

All in all I put on - and lost - and regained - and relost 51.3 pounds over these 15 months.  But now for the first time in 15 months I am seeing a weight on the scale that is lower than before.  This morning, I am finally back to losing weight rather than relosing weight I had only recently lost .  I am breaking new weight loss records, in other words. 

To date I have lost 149 pounds (counting linearly from what I weighed in January 2012), which brings me to within 20 pounds of my ultimate goal of 165.  The last time I weighed this much/little was in late 2000 or early 2001, right after I had starved my way to a normal weight and then immediately resumed my poor eating habits and sedentary lifestyle.  Needless to say, with my eating habits and compete lack of exercise I did not retain my losses, and by spring of 2002 I had put on more than 75 pounds from my low.

This is less likely to happen now for a few reasons.  First, my eating habits have seriously evolved over the past 3 years since I have begun working on this lifestyle change.  I understand portion control, I focus on drinking enough water in a day, and I do not binge eat as long or as frequently as I used to.  I also eat more fruit and vegetables and much less cheese and carbs than I used to.  That's not to say that I don't love cheese and carbs, but I just don't make them the focus of every course of every meal like I used to.

Second, my exercise habits have dramatically changed.  I enjoy the time on the elliptical in the morning, and regular exercise is now just a normal part of my day, rather than a tedious chore to be endured.  I like staying active, and I enjoy being able to walk around the city with the Nerd. 

Third, and most importantly, I have a supportive helpmate in the Nerd who keeps cooking us delicious, healthy meals and doesn't try and undermine me by bringing irresistible treats into the house.  I do not exaggerate when I say that I could not have achieved this without his support and encouragement. 

Finally, I am gradually adopting a more zen-like approach to weight loss.  I understand that some months my body simply chooses to retain all the water and I will put on weight for no apparent reason.  And some months I will crave snacks more than others.  No matter, though - - I understand at a very basic level now that putting on a pound or two - or five or ten - is not the end of the world just as long as I get my head back into my program and focus on eating well and exercising regularly. 

Case in point was my recent trip to the Mothership in Atlanta.  I enjoyed many meals out and sampled a variety of wonderful southern cooking including ribs, pimento cheese, fried chicken and collard greens and banana pudding.  I ate wayyyyy over my normal calories during that trip and came back to Toronto about 8 pounds higher than when I had left.  Rather than getting despondent however, I knew that much of this would be sodium-induced water weight that would come off quickly once I got back into my routine.  And the weight that did not come off quickly would come off slowly, but it would still come off.

The first time I lost a significant amount of weight (back in 2000) I did not have this certainty.  Each pound was a struggle, and when my weight started creeping up again once I resumed my poor eating habits and stopped exercising (i.e. almost immediately), it felt like I could never take the weight off again.  The task felt overwhelming, and therefore it quickly became overwhelming.  I can tell you from brutal - and repeated - experience that it is much easier to lose 5 or even 10 pounds than it is to lose 50 or 100 pounds. 

So this morning I weighed 184.9 pounds.  19.9 pounds to go until I reach my goal weight.  I expect than my target weight zone will end up being 165 pounds +/- 5 pounds, and as long as I keep within this range, all will be well.  We'll see how it goes. 

Onward and downward!