Seeing some progress

I have been very disciplined this month and have been trying to adopt a more consistently zen-like approach to my workouts and weight loss.  I say "trying" because I am more zen-like on some days than others.

On the plus side, I have virtually entirely stopped unrecorded snacking, and where/when I do snack, it is generally in moderation and within plan.  That's a huge win for me after the unbridled snacking I did in December. 

I have also been very disciplined with my workouts, doing my combination of HIIT elliptical sessions with longer "straight" elliptical workouts after my weekly sessions with Mr. Fitness (the personal trainer). I have also been doing a second weight session on my own, using the workouts Mr. Fitness has set up for me.  I am sure that I don't push myself quite as hard when it is just me, but I am pushing enough that I feel it the next day, which is a good thing.

All of this hard work is gradually paying results.  I am definitely seeing some improvement to my overall tone, and I can't wait until next week when I do my month-end measurements again.  I am certain that I will have continued to lose inches, because it's visible even to me.  My shoulders, stomach and legs in particular have been noticeably more toned recently.  Yippee!

I am also seeing definite improvements in my strength and stamina as well as my balance and coordination.  The first time Mr. Fitness and I worked together I kept falling over and lurching into things when he wanted me to stand on one foot or balance a particular way.  Don't get me wrong - - I still lurch and look as coordinated as a Clydesdale on ice many times - - but I am ever so slowly seeing improvement.  I only lurch around and stumble every second time now, rather than every single time.

One thing I have really noticed recently is how dramatically weaker my left arm is than my right due to the carpal tunnel on that side.  We were doing "21s" (bicep curls in 3x7-count variations) during my last session with Mr. Fitness, and on the full bicep curls I could barely raise the dumbbell with my left arm.  The right arm - - no problem.  The left - - weak as a noodle.  This is very frustrating, but apparently not uncommon.

Although the workouts have been going well, it has been challenging to keep my positive attitude when the weight loss has come so slowly.  I saw the usual "Ladytime" gain of 3 pounds of water and bloating at the usual time of month, and it took me 2 weeks of rigid discipline and fierce determination to get those pounds off and to see even trivial net losses.  Given how disciplined I have been with my food consumption and how hard I was working out, I find it difficult to keep from getting frustrated at times when the scale resolutely sticks above where I want it - - even when I know that the scale will come down eventually. 

But come down, the weight has, bit by bit.  I really don't mind if the weight comes off slowly or even plateaus if my measurements are changing, because I know that Mr. Fitness is helping me to develop my muscle tone and strength.  But until the end of the month I will not have definitive proof, so I will just have to be patient and keep plugging away.

On a related note, Mr. Fitness was like a kid in a candy store when he saw all my new workout equipment, and he immediately began integrating it into our sessions.  Now that was motivating!  Not to mention fun - - some of the things we do don't even feel like working out (like a lot of the medicine ball work we do), but I know they're doing good things.  That is a bonus I had not anticipated.  The gym equipment and the investment in a personal trainer has been worth every dollar to me, because I am doing things I never thought possible thanks to the structured and supervised workouts with the weights.  90 pound bench press?  Never thought I would do that.  80 pound deadlift?  Not a problem, as it happens.  And I am only going to get stronger from here.  I like that.  Scratch that.  I love that. 

So the net of it is that I can't wait to measure myself this week so I can get some positive reinforcement for all my hard work.  But I like what I am seeing so far, and I can't wait to see where I will go with this. 

It's not pretty, but it's not as bad as I feared...

Photo courtesy Emma V Valentine, licensed CC-BY-NC-ND

It was with a considerable degree of trepidation that I faced my nemesis the scale this morning.  After 2 months of eating like a barbarian, I knew there were consequences to be faced.  This was not going to be a quick little blip that was easily overcome.  Nope.  This time I am going to have to face the music and accept the fact that I have backslid and given up literally months of progress.

Yesterday was the first day back on track, and I had a great workout on the treadmill and elliptical machine, followed by a day of excellent healthy food.  I even managed to get my 8 cups of water in.  So far, so good. 

This morning I got up early and faced my new upper body focused weight program.  We had a few rough edges figuring out where to put the weight bench so that there was enough space to do the lifts whilst avoiding knocking the Nerd off the elliptical with the barbell.  I am pleased to report that there were no serious incidents, and we were both able to complete our workouts without major injury. 

This morning I did 3 sets of 10 reps of each of the following: i) military press (30 pounds); ii) barbell upright row (30 pounds); iii) barbell bench press (30 pounds); iv) dumbbell flyes (10 pounds each); v) modified pushups; vi) barbell bent over row (30 pounds); vii) barbell side bend (30 pounds); and viii) situps.  I will do this plan for a week, and then will see about adding reps and/or sets. 

After the weight training I did an hour on the elliptical machine, followed by a nice 5 minute cool-down on the treadmill at a relaxed 2.5 mph pace.  All in all, I felt great after doing what was a pretty intense workout, especially after having been such a slacker for a while.  I am definitely feeling the effects of my C25K workout yesterday, and I expect I will feel this upper body workout tomorrow.  I love the feeling I get when I work out hard - - the muscle soreness tells me that my workouts are shaking my body out of its complacency. 

With the workout finished, it was time for me to step onto the scale and face the music.  And you know what?  It was bad.  But not as bad as I expected.  I thought I was up around 15 pounds, measured after the sodium-tastic craft hot dogs of Saturday night's dinner.  This morning I was "only" up 10.6 pounds, to 199.1 pounds (of course, the word "only" is relative here).  This is still in onederland, still overweight (rather than obese), and not as bad as it could have been.  But it is still 10.6 pounds up from my lowest weight. 

To put it into perspective, I last weighed this much around the end of August.  That's right, I set myself back 4 months with 2 months of poor eating decisions.  In fairness, that's 2 months of creeping up, and 2 months of fighting a holding battle, but it's still 4 months behind where I had been.  So frustrating.

But I have a plan, I have the equipment, and I have run out of patience with my own excuses.  I have recorded this weight on my Fitbit and MyFitnessPal so I am not hiding the fact that I have lost ground.  The good news is that I know I can regain that ground.  It will just take time.  Here's where thing stand as of this morning:

I have 14.1 pounds to go to hit middleweight.  Let's go!

My aging rock icon and his views on working out

Photo by: http://www.slidebite.com/Maura Lanahan

Henry Rollins describes himself in his spoken word performances as an "aging rock icon".  I describe him as my "rock star boyfriend" (even though he is no longer a rock star and he is in no way my boyfriend).  The Nerd understands, and approves.  Hank is no threat to the Nerd. 

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Mr. Rollins, he was a singer with Black Flag, and then with the Rollins Band.  He is also a gifted writer, speaker, radio host, and humanitarian.  Back in 2003 he began touring with the USO and visiting military hospitals to cheer injured - sometimes heartbreakingly injured - veterans.  His stories about some of his visits to hospitals are some of the most moving stories of the human spirit I have ever heard.  Many of Rollins' spoken word performances are available on CD or streaming on the internet.  If you haven't heard Rollins perform, I commend him to you. 

I became exposed to Henry Rollins through the Nerd, who took me to one of Rollins' spoken word shows at Convocation Hall.  Rollins came on stage in a black t-shirt and grey slacks, took a sip of water, wrapped the mic cord around his hand a few times, and he was off.  He didn't stop speaking for more than an hour or so, and I was captivated, on the edge of my seat for the entire time.  Rollins was high energy, well spoken, extremely well read and informed, and his charisma - - well, he did not inherit the "rock star boyfriend" label from nowhere, I tell you what.

I have since seen several of Rollins shows (the most memorable being the one with the Nerd and his mother at Ohio State University), and although Rollins' stories vary, the messages are usually the same.  Be interested in the world.  Be a better person.  Help people.  Be informed.  Be passionate.  Don't take yourself so seriously.  Don't be a dick. 

One of his stories that really resonated with me years ago was his story about The Iron.  I will not do it justice with my paraphrasing, trust me, so you should read it yourself at <www.oldtimestrongman.com/strength-articles/iron-henry-rollins>.  Go read it now.  I'll wait.

The Iron is Rollins' story of how he first began working out, under the not-so-gentle tutelage of his advisor, Mr. Pepperman.  Mr. Pepperman told Rollins to buy weights and what to do with them.  Rollins was to work out with his weight and get stronger, and occasionally Mr. Pepperman would punch Rollins in the solar plexus, just to see how he was progressing: "When I could take the punch we would know that we were getting somewhere."

The long and the short of it is that Rollins eventually shrugged off a punch with a laugh, and along the way learned many valuable lessons about himself, and about perseverance, and about weight lifting.  As Rollins says, much more eloquently than I: "It wasn't until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can't be as bad as that workout."

In a nutshell, everything worth doing comes with a certain amount of suffering.  It takes work.  You're not going to want to do it at times.  But you should - - it will center you and keep you grounded.  And strength leads to confidence which leads to the strength to do wonderful things - - for yourself, and for other people.

I try to live up to Rollins' message.   I push myself to be stronger, to be more disciplined, to be a better person.  I try and push myself to do more each week.  When I feel like staying in bed and skipping a workout (like this morning), I think about Rollins and how he would kick my ass for even entertaining the thought of missing a workout.  There is, after all, no growth through comfort: "When the Iron doesn't want to come off the mat, it's the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn't teach you anything."  I want to be taught.  I want to learn.  I want to grow, and to be strong.


"Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds."  Ain't that the truth.

120 Pounds Down! (with pics)

I know I keep harping on this point, but there sure as hell is something to be said for consistency.  I keep working out every day and striving to eat well every day, and the weight keeps coming off.  Huh.  It would be nice if there were a magic pill that would transform me overnight into a sylph-like goddess, but failing that, my brute force method and donkey like stubbornness appears to be working just fine.  Not quite "overnight" results, but nothing too shabby, either.

Last week I lost weight, right on track, but this week I lost still more and finally passed the 120 pounds lost mark with my loss of 1.4 pounds.  I am now down 120.1 pounds, or 71% of my target, representing 36% of my starting weight.  71% of the way there - - that makes achieving my goal sound almost close  (while simultaneously still being at least 3/4 of a year away, like a cruel optical illusion).

You know me and charts and graphs - - let's bring on the numbers...!

 

 

 I lost 7.5 pounds overall in April, which still keeps me in losing 1.8 pounds each week on average since I first began working out 66 weeks ago.  Speaking of workouts, I haven't missed a workout in 49 weeks - - almost a full year of working out at least 5 days a week (and since last August, 6 days a week).  That is the real key to my success - - regular workouts.  I love food too damn much to be able to lose weight by eating sensibly alone.  So far I am still on track to hit my 165 pound weight goal around the end of January, but I would love to hit that milestone sooner, if I could. 

Another month down, another set of measurements:

This past month I lost another 5" on various bits and bobs of me, for a total of more than 50" lost altogether.  That's more than 4 feet of person, gone.

I am officially a size 18 based on my measurements (my hips and waist still have a couple of inches to go to properly fit into a size 16), and my size 18 suits that I took out of the clothing archive are looking great.

The Nerd and I are cleaning out some closets and rearranging some things, and I finally went through some old duffel bags I had stored away.  I thought one of them, at least, was full of lingerie, but apparently my memory is not so good - - they were full of jeans from sizes 12 to 24W, as well as shorts, chino skirts, and a couple of sweaters my mom knit for me back when I was 18 and 19 (the sweaters totally fit, by the way!!!).

Just for shits and giggles I tried on the size 16 jeans I found in the bags.  I could totally put them both on!  It is not the most elegant look, and I am definitely embracing the muffin top in those jeans, but I have at least 2 pairs of jeans that I will be able to fit into soon - - likely within this month.  I haven't been a 16 in forever, so you can imagine my excitement.  I kept running into the Nerd's office to show off how I looked in size 18 chino shorts, size 16 jeans, and my mom's sweaters.  He made all the right appreciative noises, because his mother didn't raise no dummy.

Seeing as I was in the spirit of reviewing my clothing on hand, I took the opportunity to clean out some of the old 3X and 2X clothes that were taking up room in my closet.  They were more a security blanket than anything else, and I have to admit that I definitely look frumpy in those baggy clothes - - there is such a difference between the size 20 suits that are now dangerously loose, and the size 16 suit I found in the archive (which totally fits and is going into the rotation next week!).  I still found it hard to donate those clothes, because they were my camouflage for so long.

I was thrilled to have found this portable jean archive, because it was not only full of those size 16 jeans, but it was also full of 3 pairs of size 14 jeans and even some size 12 chino skirts.  I had been dreading the thought of having to go out and try on some jeans when my 18s got too laughably loose, and now I don't have to!  Even better, the Nerd and I are travelling down to South Carolina for his family reunion this July, and now I will have shorts that fit, as I found 3 pairs of 18s in the archive (and shorts can be worn even a size big, if necessary).  All in all a good day for clothes.

The Nerd brought 2 large bags of clothes to the donation bin this afternoon, and with the new things I have just pulled out of the closet, he has two more than can go.  Hopefully someone will get some use out of the clothes - - some of them are in amazing condition, barely worn.

The changes from last July are amazing:

 

This is what weights and cardio will do for a person.  That, and cutting out the long island iced teas.  I love how I stand more vertically now that I don't have the same amount of ballast dragging me down in front - - it's like I suddenly discovered posture after a year and a quarter of working out.   I am loving the changes, and the Matriarch was positively thrilled with these pictures.

I am still a work in progress, but every week and every month brings me that much closer to my goal.  Here are the current numbers:

It's a little amazing to think that I will have lost more than half my starting body weight when I hit my final goal - - I am horrified to think that when I started working out, I weighed more than twice as much as I should.  Not a figure of speech - - literally twice as much.  Gack!

Right now my eye is on the 11 or so pounds I need to lose to become overweight.  I am so close, I really want to get there within the next two months.  Fingers crossed!

With this objective in mind, I stepped up my workout again.  I have added weights to a backpack for my elliptical sessions to bring me back up to 230 pounds to increase my calories burned, and I increased the resistance up to 6 (out of 20).  I kept the stride rate the same as before, because my workout this morning was quite challenging enough, thank you very much!  We'll see how it feels to get into this new workout - - I have a huge sense of accomplishment for having done it, but I recall that during the workout I was having lots of second thoughts.

Welcome to Obese Class I. Population: Me

Yes, the title says it all - - today I reached Obese Class I, with a BMI of 34.9.  For some people, that would be a terrible thing, full of tears, recriminations, and a high risk of developing health problems.  I, too, have a high risk of developing health problems, but this is a huge improvement from where I used to be - - Obese Class III, with its "extremely high" risk of developing health problems.

Yep, it's true.  My 2.5 pound weight loss this week puts me at a BMI of 34.9, which is the lowest category of obesity there is.  Another 30-ish pounds down from here, and I will only be overweight. 

I have to confess that I am sooooo close to hitting the 100 pounds lost mark that I upped my program this week to try and keep the weight loss going.  I took the elliptical up to 55 minutes and a crossramp of 6 (up from 5) with a tension of 5 (down from 8), and a stride rate of 130+ strides per minute (up from 100-120).  The new workout music mix, combined with the lower resistance, makes it much easier for me to hit the 130+ strides per minute rate, and I can certainly see my calorie burn has increased.

My steps per day have also increased with the new workouts:

Looking at the steps taken as recorded by my Fitbit over time, you can see that I started off averaging around 2,000 steps per day.  The steps started to increase in the summer when I got the elliptical to around 5,000 - 6,000 steps per day.  Now that I have increased my stride rate and lengthened my workouts, I am regularly exceeding 10,000 steps per day on weekdays.  I call that progress for someone who still has essentially a sedentary desk job.

I also took the free weights up to 4 sets of 12 reps at 6 pounds for the various dumbbell exercises that I do 3x per week.  I am definitely feeling it in my arms, so that's probably doing good things.

I noticed an ever-so-slight hint of clavicles this week, which makes me very happy.  Eventually I will have actual visible clavicles, and I will jump for joy.  It's still a long way away yet, but I am prepared to be patient and keep plugging away.

So far I have lost 97.5 pounds, which is almost 100, no matter how you count it.  I have to be prepared not to be disappointed if I do not hit 100 pounds down next week, because it's not reasonable to expect to keep these 2+ pound losses every week.  Overall I am averaging about 1.5-1.7 pounds down per week, which means that I should hit 100 pounds down in a couple of weeks.  Assuming that I stay on plan.

Fingers crossed! 

Some wins this week

It has been another productive workout week in the books.  I have managed to continue my consecutive days worked out streak alive, and now stand at 29 weeks without missing a workout.  For someone as good at rationalizing things as I am, this is something of a record. 

This consistency continues to pay off in terms of weight loss.  This week I lost a further pound, for a total of 81.5 pounds lost, to 252.4 pounds total.  Here's something - - workout out regularly, and eat sensible meals in manageable portions and you will lose weight - - nah, it will never catch on...

More than the weight loss, this week also saw some wins. 

My new workout clothes arrived this week from Go Figure (online at http://gofigurego.com/).  My original workout capris (purchased a few months ago) were literally falling off me while I was on the elliptical recently.  That had the potential of getting quite embarrassing, and necessitated regular hitching up.  Definitely not for public show- - it's a good thing that I work out at home.  My first capris were in size 5 (22-24), and my new capris are in size 3 (18-20) and they fit fine ... with the potential to be too loose in the not too distant future, I can see.  Yay!

Another win this week is something that has snuck up on me.  A little back story is in order here.  Back when I was in grade 8, our gym class was primitive at best.  Our school did not have proper gymnastic equipment other than those ubiquitous blue mats.  For balance beams they used wooden benches turned upside down.  Instead of the normal balance beam width of about 10 cm, the wooden slats on the bottom of those benches were only about 5 cm wide.  This wasn't a problem for most girls who possess both a sense of balance and binocular vision.  But for yours truly, a veritable gazelle (not) and blind in one eye to boot, it was a disaster.  I fell off the end of a bench and carved open the front of my shin. To this day I have a divot in my leg from the accident. I don't remember the accident clearly, but judging from the scar, it must have been spectacular.

When I was at my heaviest I suffered from edema in my legs.  Sometimes the pressure in my lower legs would be so severe that the skin of my legs would be tight, hot and painful and would leak lymph fluid (and for the record, yes, I know that is a very unhealthy condition).  Because the scar from my gymnastics incident was less flexible than the rest of my skin, it left a huge dent in my shin.  My scar was so deeply indented you could practically store candy in it.

With my weight loss, however, the edema has decreased to the point where it is essentially gone, in no small measure due to my increased activity levels.  It has been more than a year since I have noticed the edema being problematic, and just this past week I noted something else - - my scar was no longer a deep groove.  Rather, it was only a slight indentation, barely noticeable.  In fact, my scar had virtually disappeared.  This is a big deal, because it is not merely a superficial cosmetic change - - it reflects major improvements in my overall circulation that can only be good for me in the long run.  As a side bonus, this has made shaving my leg much easier, as I no longer have to try and shave inside a hole in my leg.  Hey - I will take the wins where I find them, thank you very much!

This week has been very social and this weekend in particular I have been enjoying baked goods provided by one of our friends.  In consequence, I think it is probably a good time to step up my workout routine, just in time for the holidays. 

So this week I am adding another 5 minutes to my elliptical routine, for 50 minutes x 6 days a week.  This is officially the most cardio I have ever done in my life, and I have to say that it was easier than I expected this morning.  I am not burning up the strides per minute, but I am able to handle the time just fine, which is very satisfying.  My fitness levels are such a long way from where I was when I started.

The other change I have made to my program is to add another set of weights to my free weight routine.  I am now doing 3 sets of 12 reps using the 6 pound weights.  I have really started to see some toning beginning to happen in my arms, and I am quite keen to continue to see progress.

For the new year I am exploring taking up some boxing routines to add yet another element into my fitness routine.  Stay tuned!

Week 42 - More Progress

Another week down, another 3.5 pounds down.  I blame stress, as I also lost 3.4 pounds the week previously, which is a little much.  Not that I am complaining - - I will take any weight loss and hug it to my bosom and cherish it. 

I now weigh 261.5 pounds, for a total weight loss of  72.4 pounds.  This represents a total loss of 22% of my pre-workout body weight, and 43% of my overall goal.  Slowly but surely I am chipping away at my weight.  It will be another full year, at least, before I come close to reaching my objective, but I am making good progress right now. 

I had a normal blood sugar reading this week, but only the one.  I am not overjoyed with my fasting blood sugar levels, but they are lower than last month.  Any overall decrease has got to be positive, right?

In the spirit of keeping things interesting I am going to step up the weights next week, and move up to the 6 pound dumbbells (rather than the 4 pound baby weights I am currently using).  I will start at 2 sets of 12 reps with the higher weight, and see how that feels.  3 sets of 12 using the 4 pound dumbbells is fine - - I feel the effort with the third set, but it is readily doable.  I am hoping that I will feel the same effects using the higher weight and lower sets. 

My Weight Loss So Far - from A to Z

[for those of you outside of the Commonwealth, that's "A to Zed"  ;-)]. 

A - Apps.  Lots of them.  I love using a whole slew of fitness apps to track my progress and to help keep me motivated.  Some of the apps that I use daily are MyFitnessPal (for food tracking and a fantastically supportive online community), DigiFit (for tracking my heart rate zones during workouts), Lolo Beatburn Elliptical (to jazz up the music during my daily elliptical workouts), and TactioHealth (for a health snapshot).  I also use the iFitness app for my free weight workouts every other day.  I love that so many aspects of my health and fitness are quantified, because it permits me to see progress and helps keep me on track.  And progress is motivating. 

Photo courtesy Kaudris, licensed CC-BY-SA

B - Back pain.  Something I rarely get any more, now that I have been exercising regularly and working out.  I used to be so physically compromised that I could not walk to the corner, and now I can walk for miles without even a twinge in my back.  My back still goes out occasionally (as it did last month), but on a day to day basis, my back gives me no problems at all.  This is a huge improvement in my quality of life, because a sore back limits you in so many ways.

Photo courtesy Madhero88, licensed CC-BY-SA

C - Cardio.  I started off my workout plan by doing nothing but cardio exercise, because I knew that endurance was my first and biggest problem.  After working out with the recumbent bike and rowing machine for 5 months, I had lost 36.5 pounds, and my stamina had greatly increased.  When I started, I could only manage to do 7 minutes on the recumbent bike 5 days a week and now I do 40 minutes on the elliptical machine 6 days a week.  Along with the stamina increases, my resting heart rate has decreased from 120-130 bpm to around 45-55 bpm.  Cardio is good for me. 

D - Diabetes.  I am not diabetic.  Yet.  But I have an absolutely terrible family history of diabetes, which means that I have an extremely elevated chance of becoming diabetic in the future if I do not take active steps now to prevent it.  I was terrified to check my fasting blood sugar at first in case I was already diabetic, and as it happens, I am pre-diabetic.  This means that although my sugars are elevated, they are not in the diabetic range.  The more weight I lose, and the better I control my carbs, the easier it will be to control my sugars, and the lower the risk that I will develop diabetes.  Still, it's something that I monitor every day, to make sure I am on top of things.  I hope to one day have every reading in the normal zone, with only the occasional blip.  It's the reverse right now (mostly elevated readings with the occasional normal reading).  But in time, this will improve.

E - Elliptical.  I love my elliptical machine.  A present from my parents, this monster has completely replaced the recumbent bike and rowing machine in my affections.  It's just such an effective way to work out - low impact on my joints, smooth action, arms for adding effort, and it's in my apartment.  It is almost impossible to avoid the elliptical machine, and I haven't missed a workout since I got it.  My results have accelerated since starting on the elliptical, as well.  It used to be that I was lucky to lose a pound a week, and sometimes I could go weeks without losing a thing.  Now I am no longer afraid to get on the scale, because I am seeing so much progress in any given week.  Plus, my monthly "water" gain has virtually disappeared since I began using the elliptical - - every week sees at least some loss, which is a huge improvement from B.E. (Before Elliptical).

F - Fitbit.  I love my Fitbit.  I picked up the Fitbit Ultra early this year as a way to track my activity levels, and boy, was I in for a rude shock!  It turns out that I was barely active.  Most days I was hardly walking at all, in large part due to the crippling back pain I suffered with even the shortest of walks.  Fast forward to now, and I am more than 60 pounds lighter, and I am habitually walking 5,000 steps a day, and even, when I add an incremental walk to my routine, walking 7,500 or even 10,000 steps a day.  My goal is to regularly walk 7,500 -10,000 steps every day.  We'll see if I can make it!

Photo courtesy Lar, licensed CC-BY-SA

G - Goals.  I have goals.  Lots of goals.  Short term goals, long term goals, fitness goals, weight goals, measurement goals, lifestyle goals ... you get the picture.  You don't know when you've arrived unless you have an idea of where you are going, and I personally find having goals to be very motivating.  Goals help me stay focused on what I need to do every day. I have so many interim goals in part because focusing on the single long term weight goal is too overwhelming - - after all, who thinks they can lose 168 pounds?  It doesn't even bear consideration.  But I could lose 20 pounds, then 33.9 pounds, then 50 pounds...and on it goes.  Now, having lost more than 60 pounds, I look at my next major goal (to lose 100 pounds) as completely doable, since I only need to lose around 35 pounds.  And I know I can do that, because I've already done that.  Whee!  Bring it on!

Photo courtesy Tax Credits, licensed CC-BY-SA

H - Health.  By any number of metrics, my health has improved since I first began working out at the end of January this year.  I have more energy, I am more mobile, my resting heart rate and fasting blood sugar levels have both decreased, and I have lost more than 60 pounds.  I haven't had problems with my asthma in months.  My body is no longer the limiting factor that it once was - - I am physically able to do things I haven't been able to do in a long time.  And over time, as I increase my workouts and continue to eat healthy foods, my health should continue to improve.

I - Injury.  Touch wood, but I have not been seriously injured since I began my workout regimen this year.  Sure, my back went out for a couple of weeks last month, but overall, I have been very lucky so far as injuries have gone.  My groin pull from my move two years ago is still a chronic nagging issue, but it is a low intensity problem for the most part.  I have not broken any bones recently, nor have I pulled any muscles that I need to work out.  This has not always been the case - - I have a history of overdoing things to the point of severely injuring myself.  So far, however, so good - - and I intend to keep it that way!  No more overdoing things!  Slow and steady are my new watchwords.

J - Junk food.  Since I have started tracking what I eat (about 3 months ago), my junk food consumption has dwindled to almost nothing.  I love me some fast food - - it's all brown and fried, after all - - but the calories, carbs, fat and sodium in these foods is astonishing.  I am no saint, but I am really reluctant to give up an entire week's worth of eating well and working out just to eat at McDonald's and gain it all back.  Most of the time I am eating home cooked meals (thanks to the Nerd), with plenty of vegetables and protein.  And I find that it makes a huge difference in the results that I am seeing.  Take prepared or fast food out of the equation, and the weight has just been falling off me. I am privileged to have someone at home cooking meals for me, which is a huge benefit.  Left to my own devices, and I am sure prepared foods would begin to creep back into my diet.  But for now, junk food is a thing of the past, and my body thanks me for it.

K - Knees.  Yes, my knees still sound like popcorn when I bend them.  Yes, my knees don't like to bend all that much.  Yes, they are a lot better than before I began working out.  No, I won't stop working out.  No, my knees do not hurt on the elliptical.  Squats, though - - boy are those frightening to listen to!  It's like a bowl of Rice Krispies cereal in there for all the noise my knees make when I do squats.  Although the noisy knees may be here to stay, I am hoping that with time, my mobility will improve as the weight continues to come off.  Eventually I would love to see what all is happening in my knees (via an x-ray or MRI), just to see if I have any cartilage left at all.  My guess: no.

L - Logging food.  I first began to keep a food diary when I signed up with MyFitnessPal almost three months ago, and it was an eye-opening experience.  To that point I had never considered the carbs or calories in beverages, and I never thought about eating too little in a day.  I could not understand why it was so difficult to lose weight, but I never correlated this fact with what I was eating.  Keeping a food diary has changed all of that.  I see now that what I was eating and drinking was unbalanced, and that I was eating too little and putting my body into starvation mode.  Logging my food has been the first step in learning to control what I eat, which is the first step in a true lifestyle change.  I do not have a natural grasp of all of the healthy options yet, but logging my food has gone a long way to helping me understand what healthy choices look like. 

M - Measurements.  Not only do I weigh myself every day, I also measure myself once a month with a tape measure.  In the past I have seen that sometimes the weight just doesn't come off, but I have lost inches from various parts of my body.  Measuring myself is concrete proof that my efforts are having an effect.  So far to date I have lost more than 24" across various parts of my body, and two full clothing sizes.  While my moods may change with the wind and the scale torment me, measurements are real.

N - NSV. Not every win along my path to fitness has come by way of the scale, although there have been many "scale victories" as well.  The non-scale victories include things like dropping two clothing sizes, having more energy to walk places, having people notice that I've lost weight, and fitting easier into seats.  It's the non-scale victories that keep me motivated between milestones on the scale. 

O - One day at a time.  "This is a marathon, not a sprint" is something I have heard over and over during this journey.  And you know what?  It's true.  If I think about the enormity of the task ahead of me, I will get depressed because it's clearly impossible.  No one can expect to lose 168 pounds and keep it off.  So I try not to think about the big picture.  I focus on hitting today's plan, and only today's plan.  I try and keep doing my workouts, keep eating right, and keep drinking enough water, every day.  If I do that, the weeks and months will take care of themselves, eventually.  But I can't push it or hope for shortcuts, because this is a long term play, and one day at a time is the only way that it's going to work.

Photo courtesy Bradley P. Johnson, licensed CC-BY-SA

P - Portion control.  This was something I never did until this year.  Not only is my concept of what is an acceptable portion completely skewed by the typical North American restaurant serving, I always ate until I was full.  Which could take some doing.  Since I started working out, and especially since I began logging my food, I have become increasingly aware of portion sizes and what they mean to my nutrition.  I am ever so slowly coming to terms with typical portion sizes so that I can think on my feet when it comes to ordering and consuming food, but I still depend heavily on measuring much of what goes into my mouth, and packing it ahead of time.  I am still eating everything I love, more or less (after all, last weekend was 'cupcakepalooza' at my house), but I am doing so in sensible portions.  Sometimes a portion is 1/2 of something, and that's ok.  Portion control has been one of the biggest contributors to my success so far, without a doubt.

Photo courtesy the Noodleator, licensed CC-BY-NC-ND

Q - Quitting is not an option.  It's hard to get up early in the morning to work out for 40 minutes on the elliptical.  It's harder still to walk up the stairs to do another 25 minutes of free weights.  It's hard to be constantly monitoring what goes into my mouth.  It's tough to walk places when I could just as easily take a streetcar.  But you know what, I don't have the option to quit.  With my family history of diabetes, and with my pre-diabetic state, if I stop working out and watching what I eat, the weight will come back on.  And if that happens, the health consequences do not even bear consideration.  And can I even consider going back to what my life was like before I began working out?  The constant back pain and asthmatic wheezing, the low energy and feelings of despair?  No thank you.  I can't go back to the life I had, now that I have peeked through the door of an active lifestyle.  I can't quit now, just when it's getting good.

Photo courtesy smartmindfuel, licensed CC-BY-SA

R -Routine.  Routine is my salvation.  I don't need to get all creative and funky for now, I just need to stick to my plan.  I pack my lunch and dinner and bring them to work, and I know what I am eating, in what portions.  I exercise every morning, rain or shine, and my workouts have become such a part of my routine that it's been weeks since I have even considered skipping a day.  And this consistency is paying off - - I am losing weight at a steady rate, and I am feeling good while I am doing it.  Some things break up the routine, but because I have the basic structure down, it's easy for me to make small adjustments to keep everything in the sweet spot.  Routine is the base on which I am building my new lifestyle. 

Photo by Stephan Ohlsen, licensed CC-BY-SA-ND

S - Sweat.  I'm a prodigious sweater.  It's true.  When I do my 40 minutes on the elliptical, I am dripping with sweat after only 10 minutes into things, so much so that I keep a washcloth handy to mop up.  Which I have to do every minute or so.  My sweating doesn't really interfere with my workouts, but it does get socially awkward at times if people see me out on one of my walks, because I am not the queen of glamour, all dripping and pink faced.  At least I know that my body is efficiently ridding itself of excess salts.  I have to say that with my propensity to sweat, I love the workout shirts I got from Go Figure, which have that nice moisture wicking fabric that doesn't cling to me like a wet hanky. 

T -Time.  Working out takes time.  Planning and preparing healthy meals takes time.  Getting enough sleep at night takes - you guessed it - time.  I find that my billable work time is getting compressed by all the demands on my time related to my new healthy lifestyle.  There are only so many hours in the day, and I am finding it a challenge to do the things I need to do to be healthy, and still bill a full day, without staying too late at the office.  Over time, I hope that I will be better able to balance things, but for now, the multiple competing demands on my time are very stressful. 

U - Upper arms.  One day I hope to have definition in my upper arms, which presently look like two giant bags of flour.  I hope also to have ankles, rather than cankles, and collarbones that are visible to the naked eye.  So many dreams of definition, it's why I have started doing weights.  No joy yet, but give it time, I just started last week.

Photo by cobalt123, licensed CC-BY-NC-SA

V - Visualize success.  You can't win if you can't visualize what success looks like.  After all, if you can't visualize success, how do you know when you have succeeded?  I have lots of photos from the last time I worked out and made it down to my goal weight of 165 pounds / size 14, and I keep thinking of those when I really need encouragement.  I know what I look like when I am at my goal weight, and I know I can get there again, with plenty of hard work and discipline.  I want to get there, and I will get there, eventually.

W - Weights.  You can't tone without weights.  I knew it last time I worked out, and I know it now, which is why I added free weights into my workout routine last week.  I am now doing 2 sets of 12 reps, with the baby 4 pound dumbbells as a start.  Eventually the reps and weight will increase, and so will the results.  For now, I can feel the impact of the weight routine in my muscles, so I know it's having an impact.  Eventually I will need to invest in still more equipment, but for now, I have a range of weights sufficient to enable me to see some results in the near term.  I have always loved how strong I feel after I work out with weights.

X - Xiphoid process.  This is the bit on the end of the sternum.  I don't have anything particular to say about my xiphoid process, other than to say that I look forward to seeing more of my sternum in general as I lose the subcutaneous fat over time.  For those of you who say "wow, what a lame word", you try and think of a workout related word that begins with the letter "X", I defy you.

Photo by Ged Carroll, licensed CC-BY-SA

Y - Yes I can.  I can do this.  I can change my lifestyle and become the healthy woman I know that I can be.  I can become an active person who is not afraid to do new things.  I can, and I will succeed at this challenge I have set for myself.  I need to consistently keep working my routine, and constantly challenge myself to meet my goals, and I will get to my target weight and size.  Yes. I. Can.

Photo by Chrisinplymouth, licensed CC-BY-NC-SA

Z - Zero.  As in "zero reasons to quit".  I have everything to gain, and nothing to lose by sticking to my current program.  Or everything to lose, depending on whether you consider the glass to be half full or half empty.  Nothing I could say to justify stopping now would overcome the multiplicity of reasons why I should keep going.  And so I will.  Keep going, that is.  Quitting is for suckers. 

Time to Step up the Weights

Photo Courtesy Government Press Office, licensed CC-BY-NC-SA

Well, my body did not go into shock last week when I started incorporating free weights into my workout routine.  I did not have an aneurism, and I did not pull a muscle lifting those massive 4 pound dumbbells. 

Now that I can see that I can do it, it is time to step up the effort.  Today I effectively doubled my weight routine by doing 2 sets of 12 reps at 4 pounds.  I did the sets in a circuit, so that my muscles would have time to recover, and it seemed to work well.

I say that it worked well in that I was certainly feeling the second set of exercises whilst I was doing them, and I am more aware of my muscles now, in the afternoon.  I can definitely feel that I did a workout with weights, which I could not really feel last week after doing a single set of each exercise.

So it appears that the first week of working out with weights was doing very little, but I am still very glad to have eased myself into this routine.  I have such a tendency to overdo things, to jump in with both feet and go 110% from the get-go, and then to horribly injure myself.

This time, I am trying to be more methodical and pragmatic about each step of my workout and nutrition plan, to build from a better base than last time.

The last time I worked out and reached my target weight of 165 pounds I could not keep the weight off because I only made it to my target weight by cruel deprivation and ridiculous workouts.  Nothing I was doing was sustainable, and as a result, as soon as I hit my target weight, I stopped working out altogether.  And I started eating normal food again.  In vast quantities.  It's no surprise that I had put on more than 80 pounds a mere two years later, and 168 pounds several years after that.  I had developed no good habits during my path to goal weight - - workouts were a trial to be endured, and food was a treat to be hoarded.  "Nothing in moderation" is a terrible way to live if you plan to keep weight off. 

This time is already different.  I am eating full, balanced meals every day and am not depriving myself.  I am working out 6 days a week, but I am doing things that are, if not enjoyable, per se, then acceptable.   My routine feels sustainable, which I can see by the fact that I haven't missed a workout in more than 20 weeks.  This is already a huge improvement over last time.

And so it goes with the weights.  I am trying a beginner weight program with 9 exercises targeting various muscle groups for a full body workout.  I am starting with free weights for convenience, and for control - - the dumbbells weigh what they weigh, and I can't be tempted to get all crazy and try pyramiding again.  I am keeping the weights, reps and sets low for now, to allow my body a chance to get used to the new demands I am placing on it. 

So far it's going well.  Aside from discovering that the entire left side of my body is much weaker than the right side of my body (despite being left-handed), there have been no bad surprises.  So far. 

A mini binge, and weightlifting continues

It's Tuesday, and that means more weightlifting.  And by "weightlifting", I mean "lifting tiny little 4 pound baby weights". 

I don't have a weight bench (or any proper weight lifting equipment, really), so I relocated my efforts to the living room ottoman this morning.  The day bed in the guest room, the site of my first foray into weight lifting, was not properly set up for the chest press, and the standing row was tricky.  This morning was much easier, since the ottoman is padded and almost the right height.  It's a little bit short (in length) for my liking, but it's nice and firm and perfect for almost all of the exercises.

I also adopted a new innovation for the modified push ups - - pillows.  I don't know why everyone doesn't use fluffy pillows, other than the fact that it LOOKS COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS.  I don't care - - it was 6:30 am in my living room, and it was just me, my knee pillows and the dusty, dusty floor, and I didn't really care what it looked like.  I am not the most glamorous creature when I work out after all, what with the bright pink face and dripping sweat.  At any rate, the pillows worked fantastically well, because my knees were mostly comfortable for the modified pushups, and with the ottoman, I could lever myself back up off the floor at the end of the set.  No, it was not graceful, and I am far from being able to "drop and give me 20" with any coordination, but at least I was able to do the full set of 12 modified pushups.  Thank you, knee pillows!

I noticed this morning that the standing calf raises are tougher on one leg than the other - - who knew I was not only left-handed but right-footed? 

On related news, my fasting blood sugar was back down to 5.9 mmol/L this morning, which, although higher than last month, is lower than yesterday and all of last week.  I can stand down from Defcon 4 and return to my normal level of vigilance, and trust that my levels will come down eventually, on their own time.  I will continue to monitor the levels every day, but I am hopefully learning to see that these minor elevations are just that, minor elevations.  (fingers crossed...!)

I had a difficult night last night.  Before dinner I had an almost irresistible urge to binge.  I wasn't hungry, per se, but I just wanted to stuff my face with food, if that makes any sense.  And my craving was very specific - - binging on spinach just wasn't going to do it - - I wanted salty carbs. 

Fortunately (good thing #1), I have very few salty carbs in the house.  I do have some Tostitos Scoops in the freezer, but I forgot about those, thank god.  All the other carb-laden food (the stuff I could remember about) was unpalatable, like gluten free crackers with some sort of seeds, and crisp breads that taste like metal (I'm not sure if that's a feature or a bug, in all honesty). 

I tracked my eating (good thing #2), thereby giving my brain some time to wrestle control back from whatever gland was pushing me to binge (adrenal? thymus? thyroid? pituitary?).  I don't know what gland was responsible, but my craving came on hard and fast, out of the blue.  I could not figure out what was driving it, only that I reallyreallyreally wanted something salty and starchy.  So I ended up eating about 5 tablespoons of raw sunflower seeds, about a teaspoon at a time.  And after each teaspoon I entered the food into my food diary, so that I could see exactly what was the impact from my eating.  The benefits of binging on sunflower seeds are that it takes almost forever because the seeds are tiny, and the damage is minimal - - 5 tablespoons of sunflower seeds is only about 233 calories. 

So did I win the battle of wills?  Well, I ate more sunflower seeds than I needed to before dinner (about 5 tablespoons more, in fact), which is somewhat binge-like, but I stopped well before the amount became unmanageable.  My historic binges typically result in me eating 2,000 or more calories of something in a single sitting (for example, an entire 270g bag of Ruffles plus half a container of Philadelphia onion dip and 3 Joe Louis cakes (around 2,500 calories), or my favourite: 10c popcorn + 1/2c. butter + 2 cups of shredded cheese (around 3,000 (!!!) calories)).  I'll call yesterday's issue a mini-binge. 

I know there are some people out there who would say "you call that a binge?  That's nothing.  I'll show you a binge", and they would be right.  What I ate last night barely qualifies as a binge either in the nature of the food consumed, or in the quantity of food consumed.

But the behaviour is classic binge.  A sudden, almost irresistible urge to eat when I'm not hungry?  Strong cravings for specific foods? Check and check.  It has been a long time since I had such intense and visceral cravings for food.  Good to see that I haven't lost the touch for self-destructive behaviour (she said sarcastically).

I am wondering if my cravings weren't somehow tied to my passing the 40 BMI mark that morning.  I am a notorious self-saboteur, and if there is a way to add back weight and get back into the old "Obese Class III" comfort zone, a binge will do it.  I am eating well and there is no nutrient deficit that would prompt such intense food cravings, so the issue must be emotional (or hormonal, which amounts to the same thing). 


I wonder when I will master these cravings so that they do not control my actions.  I was almost able to do it last night - - I certainly knew what was going on - - yet I still gave in to the cravings, at least partially. 

Well, no one said this road was going to be an easy one.  I am a foodaholic, and like any addictive personality, will be in "recovery" for the rest of my life.  I will have to keep being vigilant and fight the good fight every single day, because I suspect these things will keep popping up. 

Finally taking the next step - - adding weights!

I have been working out for a little over 8 months now (actually 37 weeks), and I am very pleased with my consistency - - I haven't missed a planned workout for 19 weeks running (although there have been a couple of close calls in there!).  And after throwing in an extra workout on a rest day, it looks like working out has become an ingrained part of my daily routine, which is fantastic.

Thus far, my workout routine has been all cardio, all the time.  First with the recumbent exercise bike and rowing machine, then with the elliptical, and now with added purposeful walks as well.

That's all very well and good, but I remember from the last time that I worked out that the way to tone is to do weights, as well as cardio.  A well rounded fitness plan requires a bit of both. 

I don't belong to a gym (no way am I ready for the general public to see me in workout gear!), but I do have some tiny little free weights, perfect for someone starting out like me. 

Back in the day (when I was last working out), I had a full universal weight machine in my basement.  This made it easy to do a range of exercises targeting specific muscle groups.  I always found weight lifting more fun than cardio, likely because my cardio at that time was the recumbent bike (which is boring as all heck), and because I was actually pretty strong.  Even for a girl with feeble Tyrannosaurus Rex arms like me. 

Now, however, I am like an invalid who has been bedridden for years, learning how to walk again.  My muscles need to be trained how to lift weights again, and I need to be very cautious about overdoing it. 

The first time I ever tried to lift weights I worked out of one of Arnold Schwartzenegger's books for hard core weightlifters.  I did a "pyramiding" program on my arms to failure, and I felt amazing - - until the next morning when I discovered that I had blown out both my shoulders and could not lift my arms above my waist without pain.  It turns out that the program I had tried to do was completely inappropriate for my level of fitness and my workout objectives and body form, and I had no business even trying it in the first place. 

Painful lesson learned.  My old weight machine is long gone, sold 5 apartments ago due to lack of space, but I have a small set of free weights to get me started.  This time I am sticking with the baby weights (I am starting with a pair of pitiful 4 pound dumbbells), and only 1 set of 12 reps - - for now.  I think it is important to get my muscles used to the idea of lifting weights again, and I need to make sure I am using proper technique before I get to far along in any weight program. 

Because I am a gadget ho, I am trying out a new app, iFitness, to help me with the weight training.   The app provides instructions for hundreds of different exercises (an absolute must for someone like me, i.e. a rank tyro), and has a number of pre-set routines designed for different needs, like a golf training routine, a weight loss routine, and a business travel routine.  The app also lets you design your own custom routines, which I love, because I don't have access to machines any more, and must focus on dumbbell exercises only. 

I created my own routine, consisting of 9 different exercises targeting shoulders, arms, chest, back, and legs.  For now the routine consists of the following:
     - Shoulder press;
     - One arm row;
     - Seated reverse fly;
     - Modified pushups;
     - Dumbbell bench press;
     - Concentration bicep curl;
     - Seated triceps extension;
     - Beginner squat; and
     - Single-leg standing calf raise. 

It took me about 15 minutes this morning to get through 1 set of 12 reps of each of these exercises after my usual elliptical workout, and I am so unused to working these muscles that I am feeling the workout, minimal though it was. 

My next workout is not until Tuesday.  Over time, I anticipate that I will be able to add more weight and reps to my little routine, but for now, 4 lbs x 1 set of 12 reps is a good way for me to work into this weight lifting thing. 

I have changed my weekly photo documentation to accomodate the new weight lifting, by adding a back photo and flexing (such as I can) to show (my utter lack of) definition in my arms.  Over time, it will be motivating to see some tone start to appear in my arms and legs. 

I am glad I have started to incorporate weights into my workout routine.  It's about time. 

The new program appears to be working ...

Photo courtesy marsmet544, licensed CC-BY-SA-NC

I have been working the new elliptical program of 40 minutes per day for 3 days now, and am definitely feeling wobblier when I get off the machine.  I am thrilled that I am able to last 40 minutes, which would have been impossible even a couple of months ago when I first got the elliptical machine.  I am definitely working much harder than I was last week, and I am feeling the workouts more, even though I am only doing a mere 5 minutes of incremental time each day.   

My eating plan appears to be working as well.  I am eating between 1800 and 2000 calories each day in an attempt to cover both my BMR and most of my exercise calories.  Since I have taken the food levels up, I have found it generally easier to lose weight.  I am not feeling hungry at night, and my food cravings have largely disappeared when I am eating three meals a day.  My cravings are not entirely gone - - I noticed them last weekend when we only had brunch and dinner and I wanted to eat all afternoon - - but they are manageable.  I am taking each day as its own goal and trying to hit the target for that single day, rather than trying to look ahead too far, and this has helped a lot. Especially since the overall goal is still so far away.

This week in particular, with the step up in exercise and the higher calories, I have noticed that weight is coming off - a lot of weight has been coming off.  It almost feels like it's coming off too readily, because I am already down quite a bit and it's only Tuesday.  I can't quite believe the numbers on the scale, but my philosophy is to accept a good number with grace, and get the heck off the scale.  It's not good to tempt the weight loss gods by spurning a good result!

I am not getting too emotionally attached to the numbers I am seeing on the scale (they're in the 270s for the first time in years) because I expect to see a little rebound up in weight as the end of the week appears.  This is pretty typical for me.  My usual week has the lowest weight on Thursday, with Friday mornings - - the day I actually log my weights - - being a bit higher.  

My concern about rapid weight loss is two-fold.  

1. I want to ensure that any loss is sustainable, so while a big loss one week is great, it doesn't really count until I can sustain that loss and build on it over successive weeks.  We all know the impact of water weight, either cyclically or due to high sodium intakes.   A huge loss of water that isn't sustainable isn't really a huge loss in the end. 
2. I want to have a manageable weight loss to avoid the dreaded loose skin issues that accompany dramatic weight loss.  I am in my mid-40s now, which means that my skin no longer has its previous elasticity.  This means that taking off the weight a pound or two each week is good, but 5-10 pounds a week is too fast.  

I am probably worrying for nothing, since it is unlikely that these ridiculously low weights will stay until Friday.  I am sure that I will come back closer to last week's 283.8 weight, although I certainly hope I don't exceed it...!

As for the concerns about loose skin, I have read a lot of articles that recommend weight training as one way to reduce the incidence of loose skin.  Right now my workout routine is exclusively cardio, but my old routine had weights integrated into the routine 3x per week, and I know that I will need to work my way back to incorporating weights eventually. 

All in good time.  For now I am working on adjusting to the new workout plan.  Let me get through that on a daily basis without my legs falling off, and I will consider adding weights.